hmmmm?
The Great Candy Debate (solved)
hmmmm?
Comedy often requires that I spend hours in a car driving to a show. I try to use this time to rehearse my jokes, call friends and family, and listen to a little Howard Stern. More often than not, I instead end up mentally drifting off to solve some of life’s greatest questions like “Who Was the Greatest Rock Frontman Ever” (Farrokh Bulsara), “Best John Hughes Movie” (Planes Trains &Automobiles) and “Funniest Name of a Girl I Ever had a Crush On” (Wendy Listerman).
These mysteries are often solved while eating some junk food. The sweets somehow make the rides go a little quicker. Candy might be the best co-pilot out there. So I thought why not combine my two driving hobbies and figure out what the “Greatest Candy Bar of All Time” is. Feel free to respond with your own feelings but please be advised that I’ve thought this through and these ARE the definitive answers.
The top 5 are:
5. CHUNKY
- Pros: Cool, silver packaging like it went into space with the first astronauts. Great grid-like design. Ingredients: Chocolate (needed for any serious contention on this list), Raisins (healthy? And good with chocolate), Peanuts (another great partner for chocolate).
- Cons: Kinda small. Sure it’s thicker, but it’s half the size of most candy bars. Only the King-Size bar actually satisfies completely. Because it’s lack in popularity it is often not as fresh as other candy bars— BEWARE: buying a CHUNKY in a deserted gas station can result in a CHALKY.
- VERDICT: Raisinets and Goobers combined into trapezoidal tastiness.
- Pros: Great, simple packaging that comes in two layers, the inner of which makes you feel as if you might find the Golden Ticket from Willy Wonka. The HERSHEY letters imprinted on the nicely sized bar make it fun to bite off bits and spell different words (He, Her, She, Hey. etc..) making it that much more fun to eat. Ingredients: Milk Chocolate and Almonds. Great simple combo.
- Cons: A little too simple. Ingredients can often be found in other candy bars.
- Verdict: Classic chocolate bar delivers.
- Pros: Great name. This carries it a long way. Great original marketing campaign where someone asked “What are you eating” answer: “Watchamacallit” and devolved into a “Who’s On First” parody. Great size. Ingredients: Chocolate, Crisped Rice & Caramel.
- Cons: Not really advertised anymore as far as I’ve seen. Seems to be coasting on reputation.
- Verdict: Gimmicky name gives way to classic Rice Krispie Treat with Chocolate.
2. PEANUT M&M’s
- Pros: Rarely does a sequel surpass the original (Godfather 2 & Empire Strikes Back are the exceptions) but this candy does it. Original M&M’s are good, but add a peanut, and the size and taste quadruples! Packaging is nice, and the multiple colors inside make each finger-shovel a surprise. Ingredients: Chocolate candy-coating around a nice sized peanut. Best of all? It melts in your mouth not in…well, you know.
- Cons: Because it isn’t a single bar, friends think they are for sharing (they’re not). Package makes noise which makes it hard to hide from aforementioned beggars. Different colors allow prima-donna celebs to request certain colors in dressing room
- Verdict: These should be called M&M’s and the other, lesser, original version should be called M&M’s without Peanuts
1. REESE’s PEANUT BUTTER CUPS (was there any doubt?)
- Pros: This is actually the only candy that deserves to be in the Pros—all others are minor leaguers. Great orange packaging that can be spotted from miles and aisles away. Very popular so they are always fresh. Great marketing, from “You put your Chocolate in my Peanut Butter…” and “Two great tastes, that taste great together” to the contemporary “How do you eat a Reese’s?” Their holiday versions are the best—forgoing just changing the packaging to adjusting the size, shape and mixture for each tree, egg or pumpkin. Mini-Reese’s are often available for purchase individually at cash register. There are two cups—that beats one (see CHUNKY), and how many other candies come in a cup? Ingredients: Chocolate and Peanut Butter (how does The Bible not mention what day God created these two?)
- Cons: None really…but if I had to say one bad thing it would be that they are susceptible to the heat. On a warm day the cup quickly becomes a bowl.
- Verdict: Long live the King! Admit it, when you would trick-or-treat, if a house gave out Reese’s, you’d try and go back more than once. I rest my case
Honorable Mentions:Marathon Bar (very hard to find), Charleston Chew (only really good if frozen), Hostess Cupcakes (not really a candy bar, but damn good), Nestle Crunch (just missed the cut), Butterfinger (freshness matters) Baby Ruth (see Caddyshack)
Tags: Candy, candy bar, chunky, chunky candy, cup, empire strikes back, godfather, greatest candy bar, greatest candy of all time, hershey's, hostess, howard stern, M&M, M&M's, marathon bar, peanut butter, Reese's, Reese's peanut butter cup, snicker's, star wars, steve, Steve Mazan Letterman Dying to Do Letterman Dave David Cancer Liver, watchamacallit
This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.
Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.
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I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
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Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.
Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.
Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
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Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.
If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.
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